WARNING: Don’t read if you are affended by dirty jokes

71 random things about me
(in a very sick way) LOL

parental advisory, any people reading this that does not have sense of humor might get offended. please be aware that tissue papers are in short supply due to increasing demand of it on rural areas where jalapeno peppers and mexican water are combined…

1) Are you a chick or a dude?

2) What’s your lucky number?

3) Do you pray?
–to the goddess of camel toe

4) Ever wish on stars?
–and stripes

5) Do you believe in karma?
–ill get back to you later

6) What’s your zodiac sign?
–scorpion stinger

7) Have you ever almost died?
–i die everytime i come to the cloud of gas that i wake up to everyday

8) Have you ever had your heart broken?
–into pieces. theres this one time at band camp, i even had to tape it together only to be broken again into several more pieces but then i tried using staples but it didnt really hold it well so i finally resorted to super glue only to find out that i glued my broken heart to the exhaust of my eclipse.

9) Do you cry during sad movies?
–i get very hysterical and manic depressive 15 minutes into watching one, my borderline personality sets in then my multiple personalities show up altogether and tries killing each other so that one personality will survive

10) Do you like to dance?
–only on bartops or with a sith lord accesorized with a glamdring sword

11) Do you like to watch movies?
–i hate them all. it makes me want to get my light saber out and kill the king of narnia & become the queen of the magical world of disney.

12) Ever sat on a rooftop?
–nope, only on chimney tops where it is hot as balls frying on a pan.

13) Is there such thing as a soul mate?
–yea. especially when you die. that will be great to have a soul mate or else, you’ll be a lonely soul

14) Could you live without the television?
–hell no, how can i live the american dream of being a couch potato, eating tubs of ice cream, greasy popcorn and lots of booze if i dont have one?

15) Could you live without music?
–i cannot live without quagmire and stewie singing the songs of family guy

16) Do you have any self-inflicted scars?
–yea, as i especially when i am watching sad movies (please see question 9)

17) what do you dislike about life right now?
–nothing. it is so fucked up in every possible way that i wouldnt exchange it to a much peaceful life

18) Have you ever been to jail?
–yea, in california mainly..i get busted all the time especially after governor schwarzenegger passed the law on necrophilia…

19) Ever had a job for less than a day?
— less than five minutes…darn porn people gets off faster than a speeding bullet…

20) Ever been fired on your off day?
–no. i start fires…im the twin sister of carrie…i am the firecracker…

21) Ever been fired because of your attitude?
–i fire myself even before they get the chance to say my name

22) Do you get jealous of other people?
–jealousy is nothing more than a myth. if i like it i take it, whether they like it or not. i need not be jealous of anything

23) Would you rather love someone or be loved?
–you gotta be high on drugs that they put in your drink to feel that

24) What’s under your bed right now?
–the boogeyman waiting for candyman

25) Have you ever done anything illegal?
–is their anything legal in this world? damn, we even have laws about necrophilia!

26) Have you ever been dumped?
–all the time. by the cleveland steamers

28) How cool are you?
–sorry, i just came from hell trying to play poker with superman and adolf hitler

29) Do you support abortion?
–im abandoning this question since it is already fucked up as it is…

31) Did you graduate high school?
–with a fake diploma

32) Do you wear the same clothes two days in a row?
–darn, one month in a row…i like my clothes to stand up for themselves

33) Have you ever drove someone crazy?
–nope, they are already crazy in ther own freakin way

34) Ever bullied someone?
–i am she-ra!!!! master of the universeeeeeeeeee..ive got the powerrrrrrrrrrrr!

35) Ever done the Macarena?
–with all my heart and soul, i can never get out of a bar without dancing it

36) Do you act your age?
–i dont even know how young i am!

37) Is it okay to disrespect your parent?
–exodus blah blah blah…honor thy mother and thy father…ooops…that was genesis isnt it???

38) Do you flush the toilet when you’re done?
–unless you want poo flicking all over the place…curiious george might even throw in a few “kertie!!!”

39) How long do you stay in the shower?
–i never shower…its too disgusting…and i am very thrifty..i want my dirt piled up on me…

40) What kind of soap do you use?
–the green poopaya soap, urinary extracts included

41) Are mullets cool?
–oh, hell yea…bring back the 80’s!

42) Spiderman, Batman, or Superman?
–homeless man is better…coz he can fight crimes…wherever he might be that day…

43) Do you like your middle name?
–i only have one name…and it doesnt include any syllables…rmplstltskn

44) Has anyone ever cheated on you?
–i’ll chop their guts off to pieces and feed it ot the pigs for dinner just like hannibal lecter likes it

45) Ever cheated on someone?
–jennifer aniston wont like that…not even nick lachey

46) What’s your favorite animal?
–bestiality boy

47) Favorite color?
–colors of the wind by pocahontas

48) Have you ever shaved your head?
–shved eveyrwhere else but my head

49) For medical use, should weed be legal?
–got lots at he frontyard and backyard…try mowing them then it will be ready to roll in a few days

50) Do you think it is okay to drink and drive?
–id rather walk…ive seen hell already when i visited ashton kutcher..oops…hes still alive isnt it???

51) If you won $1 million dollars, what would you buy first?
–a porcelain dog, a one week maid service then ill let stewie carry out his plan

52) Do you fear terrorism?
–durka durka muhammad jihad

53) How many serious relationships have you had?
–are you seriourly sick out your mind or was that my other half???

54) What’s your favorite candle scent?
–poopie blasters and urinary scentontinence

55) Do you use profanity?
–fuck no! thats just some shit ass saying, biatch!

56) Who are the last people you talked to on MSN? AIM?
–nto very social these days…id rather talk to the wall and name my toes

57) What’s something you’re ashamed of?
–nothing, i am as sick minded as my parents wanted me to be

58) What woke you up last night?
–i am the night crawler…i wake every darn being there is by pinching their nose and kicking them in the nuts

59) What did you dream about last night?
–i dream of jeannie trying to make out with sabrina the teenage witch

60) Have you ever smoked weed?
–thats the air everybpdy breathes in

61) How many beers did you have today?
–what kind of quetion is that. theres a permanent keg on my fridge with a continous beer making facility beside the ktichen

62) What’s the last movie you watched?
–movie fone and fandango

63) Are you usually late or on time?
–usually i dont show up at all…it takes the fun away if you actually show up when u are supposed to

64) What’s a cartoon you watch often?
–robot chicken and family guy the best family oriented, non violent, non pornographic and very polite show….even FCC hails these shows and we are pushing not only primetime but will be getting martha stewarts spot everyday…

65) Do you have any imaginary friends?
–theyre not imaginary, they are real…right, tourrettes boy?, awesome man and immigration dude???

66) Are you waiting on something right now?
–im wating to be nabbed by the to plagues of egypt fro being senseless and stupid

67) What do you look for in a girl/guy?
–money, power and how big their….houses are!

68) Who’s ugly?
–anybody who is not me…i am a narcissistic bastard

69) Are you worried about something?
–that my conscience and my soul is being fried this very moment in purgatory

70) Do you think anyone will read this about you?
–anybody who is sick minded as i am afer giving the warning above is really brave t do it

71) What are you fascinated about right now?
mike’s gastrointestinal system and how to shut it down

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